i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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