the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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