sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
