I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
