direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
