from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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