and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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