I just cut my nipple shaving
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
