I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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