So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
