it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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