Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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