Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
