what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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