I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
