If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
