It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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