I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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