i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
