Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
