guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
