Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
