Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
