I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
