John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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