3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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