put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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