I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
