real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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