Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
