walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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