He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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