i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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