I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
