covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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