Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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