the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
