Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is Oprah even human
Dicks are not precious.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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