P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
