the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
