she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
