dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's just like the Real World with babies
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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