The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize