porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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