it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
