My room smells like vodka and shame
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
