thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
