they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
