Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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