glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm really busy with my period
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