You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Panties = found
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
