OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just cropdusted the office
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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