well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
NoShamevember. You game?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
