Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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