i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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