I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
