So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
