i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
