I want to walk on stilts...naked
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
