The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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