Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
