Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
