My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize