I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
