i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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