i need an iv and a liver transplant
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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