At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
