I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize