How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
