some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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