She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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