I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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