why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize