I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
