He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
