Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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