You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
