Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
