Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
