It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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