Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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