Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize