I think I died a long time ago.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
