I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
