he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
