Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
