Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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