Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
