I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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