bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
