You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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