So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
