how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
