end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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